Episode 53: Karina Mora - My Journey With Therapy
Hola!
Welcome to another week of Season 5 where I’m doing a deep dive into sharing my story and what has brought me here. Last week I shared all about my journey as a parent. Today I’m going deeper on my story with therapy. Therapy is so important to me that I gave it a whole episode.
I’m a huge advocate for therapy. I’m pretty sure I mention it every episode. Now therapy never even crossed my mind as a thing to do until my mid-wife mentioned it when I had one of my check ups after having my second child.
I was taught growing up that my mental health was dependent on my mental strength. So if I was feeling down/depressed/anxious… or pretty much anything like that, it was because I wasn’t being strong enough to snap out of it. I was taught that me feeling depressed was a weakness and I just had to try harder to be happy.
I understand now that mental health is viewed very differently between generations. I mean when I think about how, perhaps when my parents were growing up, their main concerns were around having basic needs met. And When I was growing up my basic needs were already met. I had a home, food, education… so that meant that I had space to process feelings more. Except I was taught by my parents who didn’t really understand how to process feelings feelings well so it was the “not strong enough” mentality that was shown to me.
So again I didn’t even consider therapy as thing that I could/would do. And even when it had been advised, I didn’t start therapy until I was already taking medication for a year. In past episodes I mentioned my mid-wife prescribed some medication to help with depression. It had been during a wellness check, I think my son was a year old already and I guess it was the way I had answered some questioned that had raised concern. I’m actually glad I answered honestly because I hadn’t thought that feeling sad or having dark thoughts was unusual…I thought it was normal, and just a sign of my mental strength being weak.
And when she suggested medication it, I was skeptical about taking anything. I thought that I would have all the negative side effects. Honestly it was just that I hadn’t been taught about the ways that medication can actually help…just ways that medication could be “bad” for me. But the medication that was suggested for me was to get my hormones balanced, and specifically for me, my serotonin.
There was only one person close to me that I knew that took medication, my aunt. She was the first person I called after my appointment. Honestly I’m so grateful for her talking me though it and essentially giving me permission to help myself.
After a few months I started to feel a lot better. I could think clearly, I was productive again, I was not as easily frustrated. It was amazing…until I realized that my mid-wife had only written a prescription for a year, because she had told me to partner my taking medication with therapy. I didn’t know that they went hand in hand. So I was rollin through life on medication, but I wasn’t actually processing through anything…until I had to…after a year on medication I realized that I would need to renew my prescription. When I went back to my midwife she asked if I had sought a therapist yet…to which I said no…to which she said that she really recommended that I do. She gave me some numbers and contacts that I could reach out to.
I found a therapist, and because I had never done anything like therapy before I went in with a very matter of fact.to do list approach… I remember telling her that I wanted to help my daughter with her anxiety and I would love some tips to help me. Because in my mind I was all good with the medicine, but I thought it would be helpful to be able to pass on good practices to my kids. I think back to that session and I wonder if she in fact knew what I was doing. Probably. Another thing that I learned in that session was that as a therapist she didn’t prescribe anything. I was like ummmm excuse me…that’s the whole reason I’m here. Haha. She said she could help me so that I could potentially stop taking the medication safely or refer me to someone who could prescribe me medicine. So since I was coming up on my last month of refills I thought that I would try to see if I could in fact find a way to not take it anymore.
And then after our session she also mentioned that perhaps I too had anxiety, and that during our time we would work on some practices to help with that.
I went home after that session and didn’t know what to think. It wasn’t as bad as I thought….I wasn’t sure if I liked it…but I was willing to keep going.
I continued with her for about three months before she ended up moving out of state. During that time I was able to slowly stop my medication and implement things to help with my anxiety. Now I know stopping medication isn’t always best or recommended but for me, I had a therapist helping me though the transition.
With my therapist moving away I was a little sad, but I also was confident and excited to start to shift the way that I was thinking and the voices I was listening to. I realized that I had to prioritize taking care of myself for the sake of my children above what my parents, family or anyone else for that matter would think about me taking medication or going to therapy. I remember my parents didn’t really like to talk about it, and I think it’s because they had this preconceived notion that it was a negative thing for me to need therapy or meds and it was a direct reflection on their success as a parent. Which isn’t the case at all. But I did stop talking about it with them and just did what was best for me and my family.
I’m grateful for My first therapist. But she was a white woman. Even through she provided a safe space, in reality I was still trying to present a polished assimilated version of myself. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about past traumas or racism, or micro aggressions that I experienced, etc.
So after she moved I knew that I was going to be intentional with my next therapist that she would be a POC that I could talk a little more freely about my experiences without the cultural disconnect.
So fast forward several years to 2021 when I launched the Elevating la Cultura podcast. I had to pivot in 2020 because I originally had planned to record all episodes live with a camera crew shout out to Helio & Vanessa from 41 films who recorded our first few episodes, but because of COVID I had to go virtual. Which ended up being amazing because I wasn’t limited to just local guests. After recording the first season I knew I wanted my second season to be focused on health and wellness. It was then that I learned about the importance of taking care of your mind body and soul. So many great episodes in that season, and it was then that I knew that I could really benefit from having a therapist again. I was doing a lot of internal work and I knew I had put it off long enough. And after that season I knew that there were a growing number of Latine therapists, which gave me hope in starting the process of looking for a therapist again.
However, procrastination is a real thing when it comes to taking care of myself. I will always put everyone else before me for medical or mental care…because I know its hard work and not always pleasant. And I’ve talked to so many other mamas that say the same thing, but let this be a sign if you need help, then it’s ok to take care of yourself. It’s not selfish, and it’s actually going to help all the other areas in your life including your home life and will improve how you show up for those around you especially those that need you.
Finally at the beginning of this year I was able to find a therapist through the recommendation of a friend. And I’ve been with her for the past 7 months. She is amazing, and has been crucial for me to even be here recording a whole season where I’m talking more intimately about my journey. I knew that as I started doing this work which is speaking more about cultural legacy, and walking others through deconstructing their relationship with assimilation, it would be emotionally heavy work. And I needed a strong foundation in my own story and life in order to best help others through this work.
I specifically wanted to work on being able to tap into and express my feelings, and also learn how to have a healthy relationship with family despite a lot of differences in the ways we approach life in general.
I had relationships that felt stuck which was causing a lot of sadness and anxiety but I had blocked my ability to recognize the feelings I was overwhelmed with… which caused me to just ignore all the issues and not work through any of them. My therapist has helped me through this block. Which I’m so grateful for. I think having a Latine therapist has been such a great and freeing experience because there are several things I don’t need to go into detail to explain, the cultural understanding is already there and doesn’t need much explanation when I talk about traditions, or ways of thinking that might be engrained. She already understands, so I don’t have to spend more energy explaining cultural content for things.
It’s great!
Since I started therapy this year, my husband has also found a therapist which I’m so happy for. It has been great for him as well. We’ve created this normalized environment around therapy that hopefully my kids will be able to take with them as they grow. I remember coming back from one of my sessions and my kids had set up a whole therapy area upstairs in their room with their stuffed animals. They had a section for physical therapy, a section for mental therapy, a section for aromatherapy. I was surprised when I saw it, but proud at the same time because I knew they won’t have to think twice about therapy when they’re older. It won’t be taboo or thought of as a weakness, but as a support for wherever they are in life.
Unfortunately my kids still have to navigate racism and micro-aggressions and I’ve helped them on many occasions with explaining to them why they might be hearing micro-aggressive comments. My kids have both in predominately white spaces for their extra-curricular activities, and it’s so triggering to hear some comments that have been made to them are similar comments that I heard when I was their age…and that was 25 years ago! While I’m able to empower my kids and give them the language I didn’t have to call out racism and to express when they are offended by something someone said, I’m still sad that it happens.
Sometimes while I’m happy they have the language and understanding of what’s happening, I know it’s exhausting to have to call it out and educate at such a young age. I mean it’s triggering and exhausting for me to do it as an adult, it’s the same or more for my daughter every time she experiences it. Again it’s so annoying that she has to feel this, even if she is better equip in these situations, it still sucks.
As I go to therapy I’m thinking of my kids. Parenting is HARD, but if I want to be strong for them when they need advice and grow and have challenging experiences, I need to make sure I’m equipped and have a strong foundation within myself to be able to support my kids through what they may encounter. So therapy, or medication isn’t weak, or silly, or selfish. Sometimes it’s a necessity. Because if we aren’t willing to do the work and are purposeful about creating a different narrative for our kids, then it won’t happen.
This is one of the reasons I’m also excited to announce our first in-person one day event called “Cultura Presente: Celebra tus Raices, we are going to do a deep dive on the effects assimilation may have us, recognize our cultural strength, And how we can put strategies in place to equip you in your mental health journey to support the growth. We’re planning to have a whole wellness panel where you can talk wellness experts to have your questions answered because we were raised having these negative stories about health and wellness, and I want to change that.
Shout out to my partner Sandy from Beautea Queens, and collaborators Izzy and Daisy from the Hablando Claro Podcast, and our host location Neuroyoga Institute. Get all the info at elevatinalacultura.com/events
Next week I’m wrapping up and talking about this amazing community that we are creating. I am a community builder and I’m excited you’re part of it.
I’m always up for continuing the conversations so subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss when an episode goes live. I also encourage you to share with others because the more people we have talking about our stories as Latines living in the US, the easier it will be to make a collective change for a better future.
There will be a last episode of the season next Tuesday, so after you listen feel free to take a screenshot to post on IG and tag @elevatinglacultura or send me a DM. You can also comment on our YouTube video if you’re watching online. I always like to hear from people and how they resonate with the stories I share. SO leave a review on apple podcasts so we can get more ears listening to these stories and we can continue elevating la cultura.
Alright, enjoy the rest of the day/afternoon/evening whenever you’re listening, y nos vemos next week.
